REFUSED
Today's reading: Deuteronomy 1-3

"But even after all he did, you refused to trust the Lord your God, who goes before you looking for the best places to camp, guiding you by a pillar of fire at night and a pillar of cloud by day." Deuteronomy 1:32 NLT

Refuse- to express oneself as unwilling to accept; to show or express unwillingness to do or to comply with; to be unwilling to grant.

I'd never thought about my unwillingness to trust God as refusing Him.

I'd never seen my lack of faith as thumbing my nose at God, showing Him by my doubt and fear that I was unwilling to accept that He knew best.

I'd never thought about having the power to not allow God to do His best for me, in me or through me.

Until this morning.

He lets me refuse Him, knowing full well it won't be the wisest choice I could make. That's His gift to me of a free will.

He gives me reins to do with my own life what I choose. He did not wire me up as a robot whose drive and determination are governed by a switchboard or hard-drive.

He does and does and does for me and watches as I choose to trust more in my idols, my comfort and my earth-bound wisdom than in Him.

He loves me to the moon and back, more than is fathomable, to the extent that He gave His Son for me and still allows me to love Him through my words and actions--or not.

I see this morning, with eyes wide open, what I do when I refuse to trust Him.